Psychotherapy of a Psychotherapist
by Scarlet Phlame
Summary: Emma gets high on rainbows. Archie has apparently committed murder. Charlie the Unicorn is canon. Things apparently cant get any worse... but, then again, there's always the fact that Emma now is a hardcore SwabQueen shipper. Yes, I said "swab". ONESHOT. Posted for my contest, "Much Ado About Prompts 1A".


_**Psychotherapy of a Psychotherapist**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon A Time, nor do I own any of its characters. If I did, then Charlie the Unicorn would've become canon by now.**_

_**This is written for my contest which goes by the name of "Much Ado About Prompts". The rules and such can be found here;**_

_**wwwdotfanfictiondotnet/topic/131721/85117254/1/Con test-1A-Much-Ado-About-Prompts**_

_**Replace "dot" with "." and remove the space in-between "Con test".**_

_**Thank you, and enjoy!**_

* * *

"This is bad, this is very, very bad," Archie said as he paced in his room nervously. It was unfathomable. He, of all people, had done this.

"Hi, Archie, I-" Emma paused at the sight of the distraught man in front of her. "Is something the matter?" she asked sincerely.

"No, yes, I mean... I... I DIDN'T KILL CHARLIE THE UNICORN! I SWEAR!" Archie screamed.

"Okaaaay," Emma said, as Archie breathed in and out loudly, so loud that he resembled Darth Vader, in a way.

"I'M A BARBIE GIRL, IN A BARBIE WORLD!" Archie yelled.

Emma stared at him blankly, before fumbling around behind herself to find the doorknob. "I... I... I have to go. I promised Mary Margaret I would... help her... enslave animals to clean up her place."

"Wait, I'm sorry," Archie said quickly. "I tend to get hyper outbursts when I'm nervous. Or jumpy," Archie said, as he continued to jump-rope with a jump rope that had appeared out of nowhere.

"I can see that," Emma said slowly. She turned again, but Archie stopped her. She didn't know how, of course, but she suspected it had something to do with his weird insectile powers. If he had any to begin with, of course. "I'm being serious here."

"And I'm not!" Archie yelled, bouncing on a trampoline.

"Seriously?" Emma said.

"Please stay," Archie whined. The sound of his whine was so realistic that for a second, Emma looked around his room, wondering if Ruby was somewhere around. Nope.

"No," Emma said. Archie pulled out a bag of Starburst and her mouth began to water. "Never mind," she said nervously, grabbing the bag immediately. "Blrgh, wattsfle tde smather?"

"I can't hear you," Archie said. Emma swallowed a huge mouthful of Skittles.

"Sorry, I was a bit occupied... tasting the friggin' rainbow. YEAH!" Emma said, making a fistpump up in the air. Ponies and unicorns danced around, and Emma frowned at the sight of a particular gray unicorn.

"I lost my kidney!" He shouted, before he flew off with magical squirrels.

"Oh, look, Archie, that squirrel is pointing a machine gun at us!" Emma exclaimed, pointing at a fuzzy gray squirrel sitting on his desk.

"I don't see any squirrels, Emma," Archie said nervously. "Would you like a session later?" Emma shook her head and frowned.

"I'm here to give you a session, Archie. Now, tell me, what's the matter?" Archie sighed.

"Normally, I wouldn't tell you... but you're high on rainbow, so I guess it's okay." He sighed. "I killed Mr. Ant." He hung his head.

"WHAT?!" Emma yelled. "You killed Mister Anthony?!" she paused. "Who is that anyway?"

"No. I killed an ant. I'm a murderer, Emma." He hung his head in guilt for a moment. Emma chewed on her Skittles thoughtfully.

"I see. But, you know, it's just an ant." Archie looked up at her, aghast.

"OH, SO THAT'S HOW IT IS. IT'S JUST AN ANT. JUST A LITTLE MEANINGLESS BUG THAT HAS NO REAL SIGNIFICANCE TO THE REAL WORLD," he said very loudly.

"Pretty much," Emma said.

"SO IF SOMEONE KILLED ME, YOU WOULDN'T CARE, RIGHT, BECAUSE I'M JUST AN INSECT." Emma paused.

"No... we would probably blame Regina and arrest her just because she's the Evil Queen, so she must've done it." Regina popped her head in the office.

"Did anyone call my name?" she asked, holding a cotton swab in one hand.

"Maybe, but what's that in your hand?" Regina looked down in her hand.

"This is mister Cotton Swab," she announced proudly. "We're getting married." Emma paused.

"Hang on... you need a ship name... hmm... AHA! SWAB QUEEN! I SHIP SWAB QUEEN!" She fistpumped up in the air. "THIS SHIP WILL SAIL!" Regina was gone in a minute.

"Anyway," Emma said, relaxing a little. "Yes, it would matter, but it's because you're a good person." Archie smiled.

"Really?"

"No," Emma said. "But thanks for the Skittles."


End file.
